What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
