I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
