Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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