i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Who died my cat blue again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
where are my eyebrows?
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