So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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