you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
