operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
