We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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