Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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