His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
