I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
