after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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