everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
