I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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