Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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