No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
