it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
