If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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