Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
