Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
