I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
