Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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