Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
