I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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