I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
