hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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