I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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