Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
