Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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