the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
