hotel room ftw
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize