So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
