I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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