You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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