I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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