You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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