I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
