Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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