ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
