God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
