all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
