He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
God, I missed his penis.
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