yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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