mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
