You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
