Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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