Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
