You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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