her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
