Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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