Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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