I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
