I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
where are my eyebrows?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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