Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize