I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
