The maid of honor just puked.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
