Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
