apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
