I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
