I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
