sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
