I didn't shave. On purpose
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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