Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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