Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
