i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
