Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
