If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
