Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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