dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
