he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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