The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
