Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
