Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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