his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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